Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
wondering if today is a good day to implement my plan...
I once dated a meteorologist just so I could be with a woman who wasn`t right all the time.
I love screwing with the minds of the foreign tech support guys. "My name is Perry, not Terry. With a P as in Pterodactyl."
Sorry I pissed you off, but I find you much more entertaining this way.
Relatives - Because sometimes you need reminding of your bad genes too.
I have decided I no longer want to be an adult. So if anyone needs me, I`ll be in my blankey fort... coloring.
Oh well, this time isn`t going to procrastinate itself.
Australian kiss. It`s kind of like a French kiss, but down under.
Sea levels aren’t rising due to global warming. They are rising due to the increase in obesity. The continents are actually sinking…
Love is like a rubber band, we keep pulling, someone let’s it go, and it hurts the one who held on.
Girlfriend: You`re acting like a little kid. Me: What do mean, little kids can`t drink.
Just realized all books are different combinations of the same 26 letters. This is BS!
My house is not messy. Those are just obstacles I`ve put in place for burglars.
There is no such things as ghosts. I know, I asked Santa Claus
Noise canceling toilets should be a thing.