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Ambulance is spelled backwards on the front so when you look in your rearview mirror you don`t confuse it with the other giant siren cubes.
The first rule of selfie club should be to clean your room.
For all of you who gossip about me: Thanks for making me the center of your world.
I love long walks on the beach under the moonlight, poetry, candlelight dinners, and having my a$$ spanked with a fuzzy slipper.
I had to explain the Goonies today... so I`m feeling super old and bitter.
My girlfriend told me to grow a pear… What the hell does fruit have to do with killing this spider?
I`m one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.
I`m glad it`s the thought that counts because I spend all day thinking about the sh!t I should be doing.
The guy who named the umbrella meant to call it a brella but he hesitated.
I don`t need an excuse to drink, but thank you for giving me one.
I bet every guy would be faithful if God took an inch off his d!ck every time he cheated...
i got a dig bick..........how many read that wrong
It looks like bathroom tai chi but it`s me trying to trigger the automatic paper towel dispenser.
Dropped my son off for his first day of kindergarten today. Does anybody know what age you`re supposed to pick them up?
Why be part of the problem when you can be all of it?