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The downside to posting jokes all the time is that if I posted "Help, I am in an Iranian prison" everyone would be like "haha good one"
I just can’t stop thinking of all the people who signed my yearbooks that I have let down by failing to “stay cool”
When I was your age, we had to walk 10 miles in the snow to get drunk and have s€x.
Please don’t take anything I say personal or too seriously. I’m just an idiot with internet access.
Do you ever just sit there and think “why am I not rich”?
Monopoly: Destroying friendships since 1904
Artificial intelligence is a wonderful thing. I told my computer that today is my birthday, and it said that I needed an upgrade.
Next time some one does something REALLY stupid, just smack them and say, "Man, did you see the size of that bug?"
If you`re not employed by the Secret Service, there is absolutely no reason to have a Bluetooth on your ear.
Give a man a fish and he`ll go to McDonald`s instead. Teach a man to fish and nope, still McDonald`s
When I was a kid, I wanted to be a Pilot...but apparently I was too young.
Still waiting on the "Once you go black, you`ll never go back" episode of Mythbusters.
I used to like my neighbors until they changed the password to their wi-fi :)
If you really want to know how she feels about you, get her drunk & then piss her off.
All I’m saying is, you’ve never seen me crying and eating tacos at the same time.