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I wear a ski mask to bed so if there`s a home invasion, the intruder will think I`m part of the team.
Finally 21 and now legally able to do things which i have been doing since 15….
Nice try Jehovah’s Witnesses but dressing up like cops and telling me you have a warrant is not going to get me to open my door.
I may love you...but everyone else thinks you suck! I was kidding... I think you suck too.
I wonder if any Disney managers ever start a meeting off with "What kind of Mickey Mouse operation are we running around here?"
Normal people scare me ... But not as much as I scare them. :)
I`m great in bed....i can sleep for days.
Fitbits are just like Tamagotchis, except the stupid little creature you have to keep alive is yourself.
Horoscope: Slightly fatter than you were yesterday
I just bumped into my old headmistress who said how weird it is to see me all grown up now. Surely it would be weirder if I was still 9.
Yes, autocorrect, that`s right. I hate that stupid ditch
I`m not fat. My stomach is in 3D
If you tickle me, I’m not responsible for your injuries.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Ever wondered why there’s no window in the airplane’s toilet? Because, really, who’s going to see in?