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I suspect the ancient Greeks would be horrified that we refer to `laying on a couch all weekend watching a TV series` as a "marathon"
Sarcasm: because snapping a neck is frowned upon in a court of law.
Friends are like boobs... Some are real some are fake.
I`m considering buying a racehorse and naming it, "My Face". Just so I can hear everyone in the stands scream "Come on, My face!!"...
Has it ever occurred to optimists and pessimists that the glass is refillable?
Oh cool! ... I really do not care.
My 13yo just dumped his girlfriend and now he`s attempting to get his hoodie back. He`s in for one hell of a life lesson.
Not to get technical… but according to chemistry alcohol is a solution.
My New Years Resolution is to be more positive and less sarcastic...I wonder how long this bull$hit fantasy will last.
I`ve never gone to bed with an ugly woman. Woken up to a whole bunch of them though.
Pro tip for picking up girls - keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
If you`ve never actually got dressed, got in your car & pretended to drive "to work" to get a chick to leave your house then you`re not me.
No, I did not forget my password. I distinctly remember it being 8 asterisks.
Insanity workout? The fact I am even considering putting down my phone and getting off the couch is crazy enough, thanks.
If Welch’s is 100% Grape Juice, then why the heck do you list 4 other ingredients?