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If you read your timeline backwards it is about a person who hates everything and gradually becomes happier until they get a life.
I`m now at the age where if I see a nice nursing home, I make a mental note of it.
Maths teacher: If you have 12 chocolates and you give 5 to Mary, 3 to Claire and 2 to Elizabeth then what will you get? Me: 3 new girlfriends.
I just got a paper cut opening a box of Pop Tarts. There will be no more fancy breakfasts around here.
When Life rains on your parade, get out the Slip-n-Slide.
had a great time horseback riding today but then I ran out of quarters
I was blown away when I realised the word " OK " is a side ways person.
My favorite part of the Bible is when God gives humans free will, then kills them with a flood because they didn`t act the way he wanted.
It`s ok to admit when you`re wrong. Just don`t tell anyone.
I tried to login on my iPad. Turns out it was an etch-a-sketch and I don`t own an iPad. Also. I`m out of alcohol.
I`m not saying i hate you but if you were on fire and i had water i would drink it
Keep scrolling , I got nothing.
Hillary Clinton is running for president. In other news, grass is green and the sun is hot.
Anyone know how much snow is too much snow not to go to the liquor store?
The 4 stages of a relationship: 1. I like you 2. I love you 3. I hate you 4. Arson