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Shout out to Pringles for never giving us a half can of air.
Facial recognition software can pick out a person in a crowd, but this stupid vending machine at work can`t recognize my dollar bill with a bent corner...
I have no interest in skydiving. I get enough of an adrenaline rush hoping my credit card goes through
"Let`s give the bad guy a ponytail." - 80s movies
He is proud of himself. He finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years.
If weed is ever legalized, I can`t wait to see the commercials...
My life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Wal-mart.
Christmas is all about getting your entire dysfunctional family under one roof, hoping the cops don`t get called and nobody gets arrested.
If I could have dinner with anyone alive or dead I would just have two dinners.
Ohh sh!t, my b!tch button is stuck.
To the teenager that flipped me off for honking at you. Your phone is on top of your car.
If anyone ever steals my identity, I hope they show it a good time. Take it skydiving. We`ve always wanted to go skydiving.
I hate when a website has a picture that you can click and enlarge. Then the "enlarged picture" is the same exact size as the thumbnail!
Damn girl, are you a Snickers bar because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly hard and hold on, are those nuts?
When the coffee stops working it is probably the right time to start drinking.