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My neighbors got so weird when I asked how many bodies they thought were buried in their yard. I meant roughly, not like an exact number.
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words... words might hurt me deeply, causing great emotional, mental, and psychological damage leading toward a lowered self-esteem and irregular bowel movements.
Dear therapist, I might actually come see you if your job title didn`t spell out “the rapist” Sincerely, not lying down.
The reason i connot lie is because i like big butts.
My mom always said that I`d never find a man dumb enough to marry me. Well, I showed her...
I got in touch with my feminine side today... I made myself a sandwich.
I don`t lift so maybe I`m wrong about this, but I feel like Popeye might be focusing on his forearms too much.
9 year olds have a Blackberry, an iPad, a laptop, & a Facebook… When I was 9, I felt cool with my new markers.
That awkward moment when Adele finds someone like me
"Latte" is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee.
I’m tired of chasing my dreams, I`m just going to ask them where their going and meet them there later.
Maybe my mom was right all those years ago. Maybe I won`t be happy until someone loses an eye. Maybe that`s what`s been missing.
If you`re going to give me dirty looks for being at the liquor store at 10am, don`t be open.
Love means never having to say you’re sorry until you`ve thought up a good excuse.
I just did a weeks worth of cardio after I walked into a spider`s web.