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I`m an organ donor, but I`m pretty sure all they`re going to use my liver for is "after" photos.
Door bells should be made illegal in commercials. Pet owners know what I’m talking about.
Before you decide to spend less time on social media... make sure you go to every social media website and tell everyone.
They say when life gives you lemons….but what if life hands you a rather large banana? What then, my friend? What then?
Girls are funny creatures. They hate it when you ask their age but will kill you if you forget their birthday.
Do you realize that a woman`s "I`ll be ready in five minutes." and a guy`s " I`ll be home in five minutes." are exactly the same?
Never forget that we live in a world in which it is easier to get out of a marriage than a mobile-phone contract.
Do homeless people get Knock Knock Jokes?
I have found my sleep number and it is eleven, eleven beers.
Feeling a little sassy today...But then again, that`s everyday
Damn girl are you a cobweb cause you`re really clingy and annoying
i hate that the sun comes up so early
Being a parent means often saying your child is shy rather than "he sees how creepy u are, that`s why he doesn`t want to shake your hand".
I don`t think I have enough money to find long everlasting love.
I could never trust a psychic who hasn`t won the lottery at least once.