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Jimmy is short for James? This is where I think English is stupid. They have the same number of letters. Do they even know what short means?
Teaching your own mother how to use Facebook is like willingly signing your own death warrant
I hate when a couple argues in public but I missed the start and don`t know whose side I`m on.
My age is very inappropriate for my behavior.
My birthday is coming up. I dont like to think of it as getting older I like to think of it as experience points.
I just don`t want to look back and think "I could`ve eaten that"
Women`s magazines are so funny. 1: You`re beautiful and perfect just the way you are! 2: How to lose 20 pounds in 10 days.
Jogging backwards because I`m trying to gain a little weight
Whenever being single gets me down, I like to close my eyes, take a deep breath and then go do whatever I want pretty much nonstop.
I don`t understand fat poor people. What are you eating? Broken hopes and dreams?
When you are dead, you don’t know you are dead but other people do. The same applies when you are stupid.
Oh, you fell in love?! I fell in my bathtub.
When a man talks dirty to a woman, its sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $4.95 a minute.
Have you ever held your money and thought "I hope this hasn´t been up a stripper´s butt"
I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food. :)