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It was love at first sight...I should have looked twice.
I`m a good singer. Unfortunately I have a bad voice.
People that say “money doesn’t buy happiness” obviously have never been divorced.
Roses are red, violets are blue. If I had a brick, I`d throw it at you.
I just want you all to know, whatever problems you might be having, I`m here to `like` them.
Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza
When I think of you I touch myself ... On my temples ... You give me a migraine.
You`re the one who wore a red and yellow scarf to class. So don`t look at me weird for shouting "10 points for gryffindor" when you answer questions cause I know you wanted this. -Bfanch
Wear black: all the non-conformists are doing it.
Girls with tattoos on your tits, Why? We`re already looking at them.
Sitting in traffic like the non-helicopter owning loser that I am.
What an intoxicated Schwarzenegger might say to a police officer: "I`m an IDIOT you COP!"
I haven`t owned a watch for I don`t know how long.
*Opens box of cereal* We’ve updated our Privacy Policy
I’m so glad I was young and stupid before there were camera phones.