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If you`re wondering about my cooking skills, I`ve been asked to bring paper towels to our family gathering.
I hide from people too, so I get it unicorns, I get it.
Times change When I was a kid, werewolves and vampires were very scary. Now everyone wants to have sex with them
A woman at my gym has a jellyfish tattoo on her arm ... So I peed on her
My wife said we could have a three way "when pigs fly" so I showed her a police helicopter.
I just awesomed all over the place.
Had a nice, relaxing weekend. I now have ample energy to hate Monday and most of Tuesday.
If you come to myspace and twitter about my yahoo, can I google over your facebook?
I have no time for stupid people But they sure seem to have time for me.
Every time I stop making bad decisions, I get more and more boring.
On a scale of 9 to 10, how would you rate me?
is running out of excuses for the stupid things I do. Please submit suggestions below.
What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? An investigator. Hahaha Iām so sorry. No Iām not.
Sometimes, when I "like" your post, it`s because my touchscreen is too sensitive and I only meant to scroll by your ass. Sometimes. ;)
The best part of being a kid is probably saying, f*ck it. I`m going to be Spider-Man today.