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You can stop lifting weights now; it’s actually your personality that nobody likes.
Was there even food before people started posting pictures of it on Instagram?
Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year, and then discover once a year is way too often.
“Hi I’m an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.”
I hate when my friends stand so close to me when pictures are being taken. It`s like they don`t know I plan on cropping them out later.
It isn`t a successful BBQ until some drunken idiot walks face first into a closed sliding glass door. I`m fine by the way.
Give fat people a break. They have a lot on their plate.
I wish Facebook would notify me when people deleted me, that way I could like it
When I asked if you had protection, pepper spray isn’t what I meant.
It`s always quiet on here at the weekends, it`s like you people have lives or something...
Tried to explain Twitter to my 80 year old Mother, pretty sure she is now insane.
I could totally handle twins, triplets even quadruplets. Hold it, you`re talking about BABIES?
You´re never too old to learn something stupid.
Saying a prayer for all the turkeys today. Also the single people with concerned relatives.
There are 2 kinds of coworkers. The ones who keep iPhone 5 chargers at their desks and the ones whose names I don`t know.