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If someday we all go to prison for downloading Movies and TV shows, I just hope they split us up by genre.
Today is different because after you lie to someone, you tell them you were lying.
I`d say I`m not a morning person but I`m really not sure I`m an evening person either.
I`ve noticed more and more little kids with cell phones and social networks. What does a kindergartner have to tweet about? "I`m getting better at drawing in the lines!" #cantwaitforstorytime
Never realized how out of shape I was until I started sweating after using scissors for 30 seconds.
My sister says god`s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers, so I bought her a vibrator because she`s obviously never had an orgasm.
I`m done chasing people who aren`t willing to do the same for me. After today, the ice cream man can go f*ck himself!!
The way I see it, every Friday is Good Friday.
It should be socially acceptable to end any boring conversation by shouting "UNSUBSCRIBE!"
My life is much more fun and interesting when I`m single... Problem is I can`t remember any of it.
It took me quite some time to be this good a procrastinator
If they were really trying to prepare high school kids for “real life” they would offer a class called “working with a$$holes”
My Tupperware lids and single socks are chilling somewhere laughing at me.
The world would be a cleaner place if we gave blind people brooms instead of canes...
Trojan should be sponsoring Teen Mom. That show is the best advertisement for why you should always wear condoms.