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I`m really good at acting like I`m sorry the elevator door is closing and you missed it.
Alcohol doesn´t solve any problems ... but then again, neither does milk.
Why do some people call it a "tuna-fish" sandwich? It`s not like anyone calls it a "chicken-bird" sandwich.
The iPhone 6 looks pretty cool, but it still lets people leave voicemails, so they apparently haven`t worked out all the bugs yet.
If you attached a bunch of watches together to make a belt it would be a waist of time.
There`s something I need to get off my chest: Darned Cheetos crumbs.
I spend 800% of my life exaggerating.
My boyfriend asked me why I bother watching cooking shows when I cant cook so I asked why he bothered watching porn.
Mirrors don`t lie. Lucky for you, they can`t laugh either.
Some people are like Polaroids. You have to shake them violently before they make any sense.
OMG guys!! im so happy!! the doctors just gave me a jacket so im always hugging myself!!
Horoscopes: When you don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend to blame for your failures, try the solar system
When I rule the world, it will be illegal to have an opinion until you`ve proven that you are not an idiot.
Do you ever get the feeling that you`re being watched? Because if it`s bothering you, I`ll stop.
If Welch’s is 100% Grape Juice, then why the heck do you list 4 other ingredients?