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I`ve always wondered how the job application process at Hooters works. Do they give you a bra and orange shorts and say, "Here, can you fill these both out"?
Bring multiple sets of clothes to work, change every hour, and act like nothing’s different.
New documentary movie about white trash ... I only saw the trailer...
Why does everybody call it a "hot water heater?" It`s really a cold water heater.
A night of insomnia is usually followed by a morning of browser history clearing
Some of these Giraffe profile pictures are a vast improvement.
Time to train for my favorite winter sport. Extreme Hibernation.
You know you`re non-domesticated when the only reason you finally transfer the dishes from the sink to the dishwasher is so you can gain access to the garbage disposal.
How many Snickers are an acceptable meal replacement?
Telling people your phone is gonna die, But you really just don’t want to text them.
I made this margarita with my kids` slushie machine ... Don`t judge
Every woman thinks her husband is a moron. And they’re absolutely right because smart men don’t get married.
I`m not interested in anything that requires 5 hours of energy.
…and for my next trick, I will pull this dryer sheet out of my sleeve!
I wonder if Brazil has a wax museum?