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So exhausting to have my life changed for the better every time someone posts a screenshot of a famous quote.
Fun Fact: if you took the skin of an average person and laid it out flat,you would have enough for a serious criminal conviction :)
If you’ve ever used Urban Dictionary to compose or decipher a text, congratulations, you`re over 40.
Whatever you do in life, always give 100%…unless you’re donating blood…
So in between the 4 seconds that I missed your call and managed to call ya back, you`ve fallen off the face of the earth?
"Nothing is impossible." I disagree. I`m doing nothing right now... it`s totally possible.
I should eat more healthy, but we all saw how that whole apple thing went for Adam & Eve.
I am not judging you...I already decided I don`t like you
DAMN IT!!!!! I just ripped the tag off one of my Beanie Babies! Now it`s worthless!!
Spice up your Facebook experience by making your status updates your google searches.
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they`re going to be when you kill them.
My life is loosely based on a true story.
Peeing in the sink is a great time saver: no lifting the seat, no flush, sink is right there to wash hands jk I don`t wash my hands.
“My phone’s about to die.” is what I say 30 seconds into every phone call. Just in case!
After Monday and Tuesday... even the week says WTF!