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"I like tube tops too, but even tires have pressure limits!
Surfing is a good choice for people who like skateboarding but wish it had more sharks.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
Divorce is expensive because its worth it.
The only correct answer to "Are you ticklish?" is "I will kill you."
You post all of your drama on Facebook. Then get upset when people judge you? You must be a special kind of stupid.
Y`all are gonna lose your minds when Donald Trump eats a Snickers and turns into Bernie Sanders.
My credit card company called. They want me to leave home without it.
Don`t refer to them as voices in your head. Do as the professionals and call them your `team of writers`
Iām moving to Africa. Apparently there I can eat for 12 cents a day.
Rumors are like fires. No one admits to starting them and before you know it, they`re out of control.
Bank called asking if my credit card had been stolen. They were concerned because it hadn`t been used at the liquor store since Friday.
We all just sat there and watched as Pepe Le Pew tried to rape that cat. Shame on us.
What`s the point of a highschool reunion? I`ve got Facebook. I already know you got fat.
If you`re going to stalk me at least notice when I`m running low on toilet paper & change the roll.