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i never said i knew what i was doing, i said i was going to do it anyway :)
I`m afraid to hug fat girls....what if they`re hungry?
Getting up in the morning is like writing an essay. You want to do it, it takes a lot of effort, and you usually quit halfway through.
Well, I`m really not sure what my spirt animal is but I`m sure it looks like road kill right about now.
My wife is complaining that I never buy her jewelry. In my defense, I didn`t even know she sold jewelry.
I swear... my remote just decides to take random vacations sometimes.
Jellyfish have survived here on Earth for 650 million years without brains. Great news for stupid people.
You know it`s time to get a girlfriend when you masturbate in different positions
Glad McDonald`s don`t serve hotdogs, I don`t think I could order a McWeiner with a straight face.
Pro tip for picking up girls - keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
The most impressive thing about how cowboys used to have showdowns at high noon is that they could get two people to be on time to something
No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you. I just want the oil change
This debate episode has to be the craziest Celebrity Apprentice I`ve ever seen!
What am I doing with the rest of my life? I don`t even know what I`m doing with the rest of this post...
Today we salute Vodka~ruining family reunions and supporting hilarious `hold my drink` moments for 50 years...