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Somedays I could do without the life lesson
What`s it called when it`s 9:20am and you can`t wait for dinner? Oh, it`s called fat. Nevermind.
You drink too much, swear too much and your morals are questionable. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted in a friend.
I don`t get personal trainers. I`ve never been exercising and thought "man, I wish someone hot was criticizing me right now."
There are now 4 sides to every story. Yours, mine, the truth & the Internets version.
If intelligent people don’t start having babies as fast as the trash in “honey boo boo”, we’re headed for a very dumb future. Am I the only one that sees this?!
I`m concerned my kids will end up in therapy because I didn`t tell everyone on FB how much I love them.
Hey I just met you, and this is crazy. But add me on Facebook and I`ll stalk you (maybe)
Thank you Pringles for being the only chip company that doesn`t sell air.
That awkward moment when you`re telling the truth, but start laughing like crazy and everyone thinks you`re lying.
Tip Of The Week: When going through airport customs and you are asked “do you have any firearms with you?” do not reply “what do you need?”
The kids left w/my parents for a week. I plan to run around the house for an hour yelling "woo hoo", but after that my schedule is wide open
I`m going crazy! Get in, you`re riding shotgun!
My doctor said I should eat better. I told him, with what he charges, I’m lucky I eat at all.
Trix commercials just teach kids that sharing is bad.