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That microwavable meal was delicious and filling! – no one ever
I wish some people`s cardio exercise consisted of running into traffic.
Automatic doors make me feel like a Jedi
I`ve come to believe that everyone on Earth could benefit from a 12 step program.
Warning!! Today I will be coloring OUTSIDE the lines..
United Airlines.... Board as Doctor, leave as patient.
I like playing with my dog when I`m high. Because I don`t have one when I`m sober.
Exercise makes you look better naked. Alcohol does the same, you pick..
Don’t jump to confusions.
I just realised that sex is like air..its not important unless you are not getting any.
The irony of all this is, the internet was created to save us time...
Condoms prevent minivans.
Being alone with my thoughts can be quite boring unless alcohol is involved
roses are red, violets are blue, god made everyone beautiful, what the hell happened to you?
ATMs should have built in breathalyzers. I would save so much money.