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If I could turn invisible I’d go to Paris and beat up a performing street mime… The amount of applause he’d get would be amazing!
When I woke up today, I had no plans to be awesome, it just happened.
Billy Ray Cyrus made a million dollars at a playgirl photo shoot. He just started taking his clothes off and they paid him to put them back on.
One day, I will solve my problems with maturity. Today, however, it will be with alcohol.
If I truly posted what was on my mind ... I´d most likely be in a psychiatric hospital right now.
I`m looking for a new personal trainer, the last one didn`t work out
If going to church has taught me anything, it is that Catholics hate unexpected pterodactyl impressions.
If you`re going to walk a mile in my shoes...Can you pick me up some beer on your way back?
Don`t threaten to leave people, surprise them by actually leaving.
Babysitting is a way for teenagers to feel like adults while adults go out to feel like teenagers.
I don’t even know what I don’t know.
A new heavy metal Christian Rock band will soon be releasing their debut album. They`re called Nuns `n` Moses.
Im 6`1", blue eyes, light brown hair, fit, own my own compa......oh crap, wrong website, sorry.
"Lets hang out sometime" -liars.
I could see how 2 deaf guys arguing would appear to be gang related.