Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
There is nothing sadder than waking and turning to see the love of your life`s face to find she has deflated in the night.
If I’ve offended you, please accept my apology. Then smack yourself in the face for getting offended by something on the Internet.
I party like a Rockstar. A very poor Rockstar who isn`t in a band anymore.
It`s kind of funny how so many people think that being gay is a choice but being fat isn`t
My sister told me I was not allowed to babysit anymore. Apparently the baby monitor is not supposed to be duct-taped to the baby`s ankle.
Change is hard. Seriously have you ever tried to bite a nickel?
4 out of 5 dentists agree that 1 out of 5 dentists is just doing it for the attention.
I really can’t kick ass, but I’m super good at taking names!
Don`t worry about old age, it doesn`t last that long.
There just isn`t enough make-up in this world to cover up crazy.
I simply haven’t seen enough solid evidence that suggests not drinking is better than drinking.
Wife says to her husband, "You wanna change positions tonight?" He says, "Yeah!" she says, "OK, you do the dishes and I will sit on the couch and fart."
The one thing women don`t want to find in their stockings on christmas morning is their husband
This cold weather makes me half the man I used to be.
Ever notice that no one ever has three cats? They either have one or two cats, then it jumps to 17.