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Why do they always have 5K runs for charity? Just once, couldn’t they have a sit for charity or nap for charity?
I wear a ski mask to bed so if there`s a home invasion, the intruder will think I`m part of the team.
I`ll never understand why the guy that invented braille didn`t just put the dots in the shape of the actual letters.
Scott Baio is not a part of the Presidential transition team. I’m really disappointed that Charles is not in Charge of anything.
Tomorrow, history will be made. Months and months of advertisements and anticipation has led up to this historic day. America will see firsthand what is surely to be a historic event, and I am proud to say I will do my part and pick up my copy of Halo 4.
I`m growing a mullet to test our friendship.
I don`t mind being wrong, as long as nobody knows.
The bright side of getting attacked by a Cyclops is only having to use half the pepper spray.
It`s that time of the evening where my beer bottle has magically turned into a microphone again.
I don`t have a police record ... but I think I do have a Sting cd around here somewhere.
The guy that figured out babies instinctively hold their breath under water probably had a lot of explaining to do.
Why has no one invented a button next to snooze which emails your boss to say you`re gonna be late?
Would you like a push on that mood swing of yours?
The fact “gorilla” does not rhyme with “tortilla” infuriates me.
Anyone who calls it a "day off with the kids"... Either has no kids or doesn`t know what "day off" means.