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Just made a bunch of money by standing outside a party and charging $3 to enter ... I don`t even know who`s party it was!
Stairs are like rock climbing after a bottle of vodka.
Instead of exes, they should be called whys.
If they really want to increase breast awareness, why not try a National Motorboat Day?
The best way to deal with dumb people is to never leave your house sober
If Trump wins I`m leaving the country. If Hillary wins I`m leaving the country. This is not a political post, I just want to go on vacation.
Ladies, when a creepy guy asks for your # and hands u his phone, text REDCROSS to 90999 so he`ll donate $10 to Disaster Relief.
You know your old when your back goes out more than you do.
why waste your brain cells to think of a comment when you can just like someone else`s?
"This isn`t my first rodeo" -Guy at his second rodeo
This year rather than candy for your valentine why not liquor instead.
I bet all the cool math nerds call each other algebros.
If horror movies have taught me anything, it`s lock up your butcher knives if your child addresses you as "mother" or "father."
It’s the people that DON`T talk to themselves that are the crazy ones. At least that’s what I tell myself.
I wonder how many people die each year as a result of lifeguards running in slow motion.