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If your dog takes a dump on your floor and you clean it up, who owns who??
WEB MD should have a simple answer like “Calm down-you probably just ate too many cookies!”
I pretend to like people everyday. It`s called being an adult. That`s why we`re allowed to buy booze.
Changing a whole text message just because you didn`t know how to spell one word?
Life..it`s just an `F` in lie....
three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere "Hold my purse."
is in his own little world but it´s okay they know me here.
Please no one tell me what happens on the NFL today; I`m still on Season 8.
I feel sorry for people who don`t have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.
My roommate is going on a date tonight.. He said he`s convinced she IS coming home with him.. I`ve covered his room in Justin Bieber posters.. Now we wait..
Oh, you fell in love?! I fell in my bathtub.
my neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning , can you believe that 2:30am? Luckily for him I was still up playing my drums...
People are like snowflakes. If you piss on them they go away.
The real heroes are the people who live within driving distance of their in-laws.
I love food, napping on the couch, and getting super excited about car rides, I`m basically a golden retriever.