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My fitness goal is to weigh what I told the DMV I weigh.
"Haha" - me when I don`t understand the reference
Stop complaining about being single. We have bigger problems here. Like why McDonald’s doesn’t serve breakfast after 10:30.
If my job was to make health questionnaires, I`d slip in random stuff like "How fast can you run backwards?"
Not to brag, but I don`t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
doesn`t mind that people start spreading rumors about me.. it’s when they spread the truth that I’m screwed ;)
Flash mobs are so not what I thought. Now I`ve gotta go find my clothes.
I finally found a machine at the gym I like: the vending machine!
Burned almost a thousand calories with the elliptical machine today. Moved it into the basement, that thing is heavy!
I won $20 by not playing the lottery last night!
I Got so Drunk Last Night ,.I Walked Across the Dance Floor to Get Another Drink, and I Won the DANCE COMPETITION...!!
Smoke a joint before hitting a buffet to really get your money`s worth...Just saying.
True Story: People will believe you when start a story saying "True story"
Well, it`s easy to tell I`m single. It`s Saturday night and I`m at home updating my facebook status...
My favorite part of a marathon is watching the reaction of runners who grab my plastic cup of vodka.