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Lets face it we have all tried to get something done before the microwave timer goes off.
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it. I am totally fleible.
Welcome back to plastic surgery anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces here today.
Some things get in the way of my happiness, so I ignore them.
Wife is out of town until tomorrow night. Anyone wanna come sit on the other end of the sofa and ignore me?
I just want to read, have a snack, then take a nap. Basically, I just want to be in kindergarten again.
Ironically, Internet was made to save our time.
My New Year`s resolution is to stop pointing my car alarm remote at my apartment front door expecting to unlock it
Dear New Years Resolutions People; You don`t have to wait for the New Year to get your sh*t together and become a better person.
Saying “do I smell popcorn ” right after you fart, so everyone takes in a deep breath.
Woke up to gun shots this morning. Luckily my wife has horrible aim.
All i wanna know is how this website knew my name is Guest?
I have no super powers. I`m guessing I`m the villain.
She texted me: "Your adorable.". I replied: "No, you`re adorable." Now she thinks I like her. All I did was point out her typo!
When I say I can cook, I mean I can melt cheese on stuff.