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I purchased my own Taser off the internet the other day. In a totally unconnected incident, I´ve got to buy a cat to replace the neighbors one this afternoon.
I love you with all my thighs. I would say my heart, but my thighs are much bigger.
How does one get a nice body without moving?
If your ever wondering who your real friends are all you have to do is delete your facebook account for about week without saying anything and see who calls
Netflix doesn’t care if u showered or not
I’m not a biologist but I’m pretty sure the difference between a moth and a butterfly is that a moth is really ugly.
People like you are the reason people like me need medication.
Remember when AT&T told you to "reach out and touch someone" and you ended up with that restraining order? ... Good times!
My lack of dusting will finally pay off on Halloween.
90% of the apps on my phone don’t do anything except send me notices that there’s a new version of itself.
I just got a piece of mail that says "open immediately" but I`m gonna wait a few minutes.
If pigs could fly, nobody would be eating chicken wings.
I just finish reading "50 shades of gray" by Sherwin Williams. I don`t see what all the hype is about these paint brochures.
Babies dont have parents, they have staff.
funny status idea: a funny and popular one