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People around me think I`m losing it. So today, I had to sit myself down and have a talk.
Of course your opinion matters. Just not to me.
My neighbor thinks I`m crazy and that I`ve been stalking her. well at least that`s what her diary says.
Oh you`re in the shower? Here`s the seven worst songs from your playlist. - shuffle mode
Why can’t they make the whole week out of Saturdays?
I`m giving up abbreviations for Lent. Laugh Out Loud
They told me to never give up. Now they call me a stalker.
Dogs are God`s way of apologizing for your relatives.
Why do I even have unlimited texting?
Just took the batteries out of my smoke detector to use in my TV remote control. Dont judge me .. It´s Sunday.
Without coffee, I’m just a really tall 2 year old.
I dream about naps.
That awkward moment when you forget what you’re watching during the commercial break.
Hello, fire department? Is this Mr. February? Yeah, I`m stuck in a tree. Uh, I mean... meooow.
A roman walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers and says "Five beers please."