Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is a complete idiot.
My roommate is on a date and said he`s convinced she`s coming home with him tonight. I`ve covered his room in Justin Bieber posters. Now we wait.
Lord, it`s me... Can you close your eyes for a couple minutes while I deal with a slight problem?
I guarantee there`s a pregnant teenager somewhere who thinks `Ebola` would be a lovely name for their child.
It`s so cold, I just got a $5 foot long from subway, but by the time I got back to my car it was only 6 inches.
I found my first grey pubic hair today. Normally things like this don`t bother me, but it was in my Big Mac.
Car next to me in the liquor store parking lot has a family sticker. She has seven kids! ... I better get in there quick! She`s gonna buy it all.
Never forget that we live in a world in which it is easier to get out of a marriage than a mobile-phone contract.
After the doctor left the exam room from my prostate exam. The nurse came in with three words I didn`t want to hear. "Who was that?"
After all these years, I`m beginning to suspect that Waldo doesn`t want to be found.
Why can’t we all just get a Long Island Iced Tea?
You never know how little self control you have until they put chips and salsa in front of you at a Mexican restaurant.
Nobody really dates anymore. You just make eye contact, text, hang out, and next thing you know all her clothes are in your closet....
This drag race is not at all what I expected. Are they in dresses inside of the cars, at least?
Most of my colleagues and friends can`t spell colleagues or friends.