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I`m still waiting for that fairly tale scene where the animals clean everything for me.
ASKHOLE: A person who constantly ask for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them
A lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided, if they had built their towns big enough for another person
Everything happens for a reason. That`s why I drink to everything!
My daughter wants to know when the hamster we "planted" in the garden will start growing.
Calm down ... Take a deep breath and hold it for about 30 minutes.
Those who stir the sh!t pot should have to lick the spoon.
Today`s Generation: "Omg my parents never let me have anything." via iPhone
The hardest part about being an adult is trying to hide how you`re still a child.
My bank called because they noticed ‘highly suspicious activity’ on my charge account. It was for a gym membership.
(Apocalyptic world) "Well guys......there goes our last female"
Paintball is much more fun when the other people at Walmart don’t know we are playing.
Nothing says "I`ve already given up on this day" quite like a Taco Bell breakfast.
If couples who are in love are called `love birds.` Then couples who always argue should be called `angry birds.`
You had me at Rice Krispies Treats