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What`s it called when you always have a sweet tooth, but it`s only for booze?
life is unfair theres 6 days between monday and sunday but only 1 between sunday and monday
I hope I never have to run for my life. It wouldn’t end well.
Whenever I lock a car up I always press the button twice in a row to let all nearby thieves know that I mean business.
At any given time, my wallet is worth more than it’s contents.
People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don`t want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse."
Who cares about throwing stones? How do people in glass houses hide when somebody knocks on the door?
I always confuse the words exotic and erotic. That made for a very awkward conversation at my local pet store.
I just don`t want to look back and think "I could`ve eaten that"
Why do blurry people always ask me if I’m drunk?
I believe in helping the homeless. That`s why every year I buy a new refrigerator and throw away the box.
What if there actually is one legit Nigerian millionaire prince who genuinely needs to use your bank account?
I was blown away when I realised the word " OK " is a side ways person.
I hate it when I`m trying to take a selfie and somebody calls my camera.
I`m so fresh they call me "ferbreeze"