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There´s a thin line between "I should do a status update about that" and "I should talk to a therapist about that"
Hard work never killed anyone but why risk it?
Its a shame I don`t have 5 incomes to go with my 5 personalities.. Damn free loaders
I wish we had staff meetings in the garden. The plants would`ve love the fertilizer.
I don`t think we do get smarter as we get older. I just think we run out of stupid things to do.
I only seem to remember I want to lose weight after eating 6 cookies.
Apparently, 4 people die every year trying to put their pants on... - me, explaining to my (ex)boss why I went in with no pants
If a coworker asks to borrow your pen - sniff it and say, “I think this one is safe” and see if they’ll take it from your hand.
My wife keeps leaving magazines lying around with the jewelry ads circled. I got the hint. For Valentine`s Day she’s getting a magazine rack
How long do I have to stand in front of the microwave for to become a member of X-Men?
If there`s no gravity underwater, why do mermaids need those seashell bra`s?
We should start seeing Valentine`s Day crap in the stores any minute now.
If everyone would just be naughty next year, Santa would bring us all coal ... energy crisis solved!
Im just waiting for the day for Ashton Kutcher to go to Charlie Sheen and say "its stilll your show. YOU JUST BEEN PUNK`D!"
After reading some marriage post, I`m beginning to suspect we all may have been married to the same person.