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Somehow, we`ve got to find a way to STOP the driver of that bus that everyone keeps getting thrown under.
I really need a long road trip, top down, in the Jeep...with a cooler....loud music....and an extra cooler in case the first one isn`t enough
Snoring is just God`s way of ensuring women hate their husbands while they sleep too.
Got kicked out of the hospital. Apparently the “head nurse” is just the one in charge of the other nurses.
When a woman says "what?" its not because she didn`t hear you. She`s giving you a chance to change what you just said.
IM LOST! I`ve gone to look for my self. If u see me, tell me to wait here till I get back.
If everyone would stop screaming, I`m sure we`d all agree I`m not supposed to be in this women`s restroom.
Dating someone solely on their looks is shallow. Consider other things such as how much money they have.
I`m out of bacon. This is my suicide note.
I like to fill my medicine cabinet with marbles before I invite people over.
People who get out of the car and actually have a sit down meal inside McDonald`s scare me.
Guy test! find the nearest guy by you and repeat to him the following slowly: Door knob, Titanic, Gluestick, Kiwi, Opra Winfey, Shovel, Boobs, Remote, Battery, Furby, Glowstick, Beer, & Xbox. NOW ask him what he remembers before "Boobs"
If you still can read this, please inform me ASAP because I have probably blocked the wrong person!
We are hosting a charity concert for people who struggle to reach orgasm. If you can’t come, let me know.
It must be exhausting being offended by everything.