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Life is like chocolate...sometimes you gotta deal with nuts.
I`m getting a mistletoe tramp stamp.
Reasons to get out of bed: Food.
Two girls riding their bikes on a cobble stone road. 1st girl: I never came this way before. 2nd girl: Me neither. It must be the cobble stones.
I hear my ex is now into orgies, or at least that`s what the Craigslist ad I just posted on her behalf said.
Ice cream is clearly God`s way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.
I dreamt that was dreaming, and then someone woke me up and told me I was dreaming but it turned out I had only dreamed that so I went back to sleep in my dream, all upset that my dream that I was dreaming was interrupted by another dream....hahahahaha.....whoa, need to lay off the Red Bull.
Nascar would be so more entertaining if they threw banana peels and turtle shells.
Life is fun! You should get one.
Do you think regular dogs see police dogs and think, “Oh crap! It’s the cops!”?
I thought there was a spider on the rug, but it was just some yarn. It’s dead yarn now, though.
I was driving thru Farmville and I had to pee ... so I pulled over and fertilized your crops
Being a woman should count as a pre-existing mental condition.
A movie ticket for a baby should cost at least $50.
You know a woman really loves you when she vandalizes your car after an argument.