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Sometimes I speak in a different font but no one ever notices.
The only way a fidgey spinner would relieve my stress is if it was edible ...
That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to Bounce of 3 walls, Knock over a lamp and kill a cat.
There`s no b, c, d, f, g, h, j, k, l, n, o, p, q, r, s, u, v, w, x, y, or z in team either.
In lieu of a gift I liked a couple of charities on FB in your honour
I`m at my neighbor`s house having a delicious dinner. Hope I finish before they get home.
Ever have to poop and your abdominals start to relax just as you near the toilet, and then you notice that `Out of Order` sign or the empty toilet paper dispenser?
I don’t even know what I don’t know.
They`ve got this brand new machine at the gym. I only used it for about an hour because I started to feel sick, but it`s awesome - it`s got Mars Bars, KitKat Chunkys, Cheetos, crisps.... everything!
Actually, I prefer to smile on the `inside`, then no one knows what you`re up to....
If your talking behind my back then guess what? Your in a pretty good position to kiss my a$$!!!!
I’d drink a lot less alcohol if a lot less alcohol got me drunk.
Donuts: An excuse to eat cake for breakfast.
I`m starting to think that all those hours in school, when I practiced writing my autograph, was just a waste of time.....
My neighbor put the box his fridge came in on the curb for trash pickup. Guess who has a new fort!