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So I´ve narrowed it down and I´m either gonna start a motorcycle gang or take a nap.
You can pretty much text anything as long as you put a happy face emoticon afterwards. You`re a slut :)
Quiet people have the loudest minds.
Right now, a future teen mom is applying copious amounts of body glitter to herself.
I have an oven with a "stop time" button. It´s probably meant to be "stop timer" but I don´t touch it, just in case.
“Let’s hang out sometime.” - liars
Before asking a hot chick out, I wish I could first talk to the dude who`s sick of her bullsh!t.
I regret buying that straight jacket now. I thought it would look good on me but I just couldn`t pull it off...
Tattoos are an expensive and painful way to guarantee that the police can make a positive identification.
Money went much further in the 1980s when you could peel the price stickers off milk cartons and stick them on anything you needed
I woke up early this morning with the strange desire to get up and exercise. Fortunately I rolled over and closed my eyes really tight and the feeling went away.
My sleep number is 24. That`s a case of beer and I sleep like a baby.
I`ve been single for a while and I have to say, it`s going very well. Like... It`s working out. I think I`m the one.
That time Homer`s arms were stuck in a vending machine until he realized he could just let go is basically what all of life is like
Dear wind, what has my hair ever done to you?