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i honestly hate saying sorry but when i do i really mean it :-)
I just saw a gang of really drunk mosquitoes leave my arm and high-five each other. Weird.
thinks that decaffeinated coffee is just useless brown water.
Don’t trust people that dislike pizza. They’re probably not human.
It`s so nice to come home and relax with Facebook after a long day at the office being on Facebook.
Nothing screws up your Friday more than realizing it’s only Tuesday.
I once bought shoes in China that said "made around the corner"
Whenever I watch the TV show Friends, I imagine I`m the seventh friend, Dirk, who just stays home while all his friends do stuff without him.
Maybe one day a loooong time ago a kid decided to play hide and seek with his pet Bigfoot but just didn`t explain the game properly.
Okay restaurants. Enough with the clever bathroom signs. A simple M and F will do. Sincerely, drunk people.
I`m known all over the world for my exaggerations.
Just saw a homeless dude with a sign reading "Hungry Hungry Hobo"... I shouldn`t laugh right?
I smile because your my daughter. I laugh because there`s nothing you can do about it. ;)
I always look out for #1 ... unless I`m walking thru my yard, then I look out for #2
I broke up with my girlfriend by e-mail. I don`t know what upset her most, the fact that I did it by email or the fact that I cc`d my new girlfriend who wanted proof.