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They say the key to a fitness routine is having a workout buddy and that`s why I surround myself with lazy people
I need to unbutton my pants just thinking about how much I’m going to eat this week.
You know its cold out ......when you go outside..... and it`s cold out
Seriously, how can it be considered stealing when my neighbor’s WiFi signal was trespassing in MY house? I’m the victim here!!
When a woman says "what?" its not because she didn`t hear you. She`s giving you a chance to change what you just said.
Work like you don`t have proof of citizenship, Love like you were on a reality TV show, and dance like you were being thrown 100 dollar bills at
I don`t have mistletoe this year, so we`ll just have to kiss under the influence.
When I was a kid and was going to "get it" that was bad. Now I`m an adult and I`m going to "get it" :)
I`d rather have my arms fall off than make two trips carrying in groceries.
I just came online to check the weather. That was 12 years ago.
Waved to my ex today, next time I might use all my fingers
My new diet is not buying things at the store that make the cashier say wow someone`s having a party
If Shakespeare is correct and "all the world is a stage" then I seriously would like to be in control of that trap door.
Whoever said you can’t “like” your own status is just not awesome enough to do it.
Why do people walk by and say "Hi, how are you?" but they don`t stop long enough for you to reply!