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We live in a world in where it is easier to get out of a marriage than a mobile-phone contract
Don`t rush me. I`m waiting for the last minute.
Pretty cool how the internet lets you stay connected with people you haven`t seen in years and silently judge them on a daily basis.
When I become president I will make Monday a part of the weekend.
Why isn`t there a reality show called "Security Cams of Walmart?"
Iām not a picky eater or anything but I will look at both sides of a Dorito before I eat it to decide if its got a good cheesy dust ratio.
My brain is about as well organized as the Walmart $5 dvd bin.
Lol at birds that walk places.
"Iām not drunk!ā is an argument only very drunk people think they can win
All the advantages right-handed people have are cancelled out when we have to do our banking at the drive-up ATM left-handed.
You should have seen the guy who unlocked the liquor store this morning. It was like he never saw anyone roll up a sleeping bag before.
If someone tells you `I love you` but you don`t feel the same way and don`t wanna make it awkward just say `I love YouTube` really fast
Ever notice that the first 10 seconds of a medical drug commercial is spent telling you what the drug is for and the rest basically daring you to take it?
I wonder if there`s a margarita somewhere out there thinking about me, too.
Kid`s Choice Awards are a great reminder why children aren`t allowed to vote.