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I don`t really understand why women are expected to be able to cook if they can give blowjobs.
Note to self... next time my wife asks what`s on tv, don`t say dust
Pandora has spoiled me. Five seconds into any conversation and I`m looking for the thumbs-down button.
What is easier to pick up the heavier it gets? Women hahaha
90% of being a dad is yelling about doors being left open while the air conditioning is running.
When ur mom Calls and u have a party at ur house you; shut up!! Answers phone you; hi mommy!
Behind every successful status update, there is a Ctrl C & Ctrl V
Yea, there is no "I" in team... but there sure is "ME".
Sometimes I wish my dog could talk…then I remember all the things he has seen me do when I’m alone.
Ok everyone enough of your "family" time, come back to the internet. We are your real family.
Shoplifting is just undocumented shopping.
I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces at the pond today.
I`m awesome ... Don`t question it, just deal with it.
No one in my entire life has believed in me more than the waiter who gave me a single napkin to use while eating my lunch yesterday.
I think that some of the people I see in Wal Mart shouldn`t be allowed to leave Wal Mart.