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You only live once.......Unless someone has a defribrilator
You will never be happier than a girl who just discovered her dress has pockets.
You’re the shampoo in the eyes of my life.
If I didn`t procrastinate, I probably wouldn`t do anything at all.
Women aren’t that complicated. They just want an honest and genuine guy who will give them insincere compliments they might not deserve.
Double-Stuffed Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.
I think, therefore i`m single.
I will give you unconditional love as soon as you meet my list of demands.
Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.
There would be a lot less people willing to run for public office if the losers were required to pick up all the lawn signs afterwards.
This beer is making me awesome !! ;)
I hate it when I gain 20 pounds for a role and then realize I`m not an actor.
Keep scrolling , I got nothing.
I like how the package for cotton swabs says don`t put them in your ears and everyone in the world is thinking: "WTF else would I do with them?!"
I`m not interested in anything that requires 5 hours of energy.