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Breaking News: Tuesdays suck just as much as Mondays.
Do people smoke e-cigarettes after sexting?
I wake up every morning with the joy & excitement of wanting to go directly back to sleep.
?"I hate when people come to MY house, knock on MY door, and then give me the "why aren`t you wearing pants" look."
Me: Dad, going to the 50cents concert. Dad: Here`s a dollar, take your sister with you.
I`m gonna surprise my hand with some sex tonight!
Whenever I hear that customer service calls are going to be recorded I do one of my raps because I`m too poor to pay for studio time
The fact that Pitbul is even considered a musician is more disgusting than the fact that toothpaste was invented years after french kissing was.
When I`m in an elevator with a stranger I generally hold their hand to let them know that they`re safe
I`m beginning to think that my destiny in life is just to be a bad example that other people can learn from.
Time is precious ... waste it wisely!
Google must be a woman...it knows everything.
Can I tell you how terribly grateful I am that no one had cell phones, iPads or digital cameras when I had to squaredance in P.E.
Confucius would have been great at Status Updates......
"No! Don`t leave me! I need you! Nooooo!" I say as my laptop cords slowly slides off my bed onto the floor.