Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Workout Journal Day #5: Jogging with a stroller is great exercise! And hard work for whoever is pushing me.
I wrote a song about a tortilla actually its more of a wrap.
The best part about having an old VW is driving down the road and watching people punch the sh!t out of each other.
Dating Tip: If you eat a magnet and slip another magnet into your date`s drink she`ll never be able to leave you
Drunk people are the only honest ones left.
Bring me the heads of my enemies!! or some cupcakes ... whichever.
Maybe it`s inappropriate for the first date but if there`s a maze on the menu I`m asking for crayons.
Thanksgiving advice: Sit at the kids table for as many years as possible.
Fun Game: Walk down a hallway with both arms outstretched to the walls while shouting, "Hug me or turn around!!!"
I tried yoga and I think my downward dog looked more like winnie the pooh getting stuck in rabbit`s door.
I always wanted to buy a Parrot and teach it to say, "Help, they`ve turned me into a parrot!"
So I met an Egyptian ... they walk just like us.
Dr. Oz says having 1/2 hour of sex is equivalent to running 6 miles. I guess I`m going to the gym today.
It’s not pretty being easy.
I´m up way too early for someone who wasn´t planning on seizing the day.