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Can`t wait for Daylight Saving Time to end this weekend so the clock in my car will have the correct time.
When my husband gives me shit for taking too long to get ready, I remind him that you never know when you`ll meet the man of your dreams.
Let me check my giveashitmeter ... nope nothing.
Sports commentators need to stop saying penetrate
I was a huge tomboy. Like, I had barbies, but only because my ninja turtles needed bitches.
Girls who don`t get naked when you`re drunk.. Explain yourselves.
They say 1 in 3 people cheat in a relationship. I`m not sure if its my wife or my girlfriend.
I wish I could get excited as a redneck drinking cheap beer and watching cars go around in circles for hours.
She texted me: "your adorable." I replied: "no, YOU`RE adorable." Now she likes me, but all I did was point out her typo.
Driving isn’t even in the top 5 things I’m thinking about when I’m driving.
At any given time my wallet is worth more than its contents.
sleep is for people without netflix
I`d say that most of my mistakes can be traced back to when I decided to get out of bed. ... just sayin! ;)
My ex-wifes facebook status said "I`m depressed and on the edge"... So I poked her!
I just slid off the couch and lay on the floor for a while and eventually sat up without using my hands, is that a yoga class?