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Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
Cop: This is a ticket for drunk and disorderly behavior. Me: Can I have another? I`d like to bring a guest.
"IT`S A BOY" I shouted, tears rolling down my face "I DON`T BELIEVE IT. A BOY!" It was at that moment I chose never to visit Thailand again.
When does hibernation start? Because I am 100% participating in that.
I wish more of my handcuff stories involved sex instead of police officers.
I`m convinced some people got married just so they could gripe about being married...
No toilet paper.. goodbye socks
I`m always amazed that when tragedy strikes how quickly people on Facebook become experts on the subject no matter what it is.
With great power comes great electricity bill.
Decided to cut back on my beer drinking. Fortunately, this martini is helping me through this tough time.
The best two kinds of beer in this world are....Cold & Free..
Car commercials make driving around in empty parking structures look fun and normal and not suspicious or kidnappy.
Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isn’t doing his part of the chores around here.
I think the saying "every man for himself" was made up by women tired of making sandwiches
I like to Party! ... and by Party I mean take Naps