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Let me be clear, I don`t want to die alone. However I want to be left completely alone until that moment
Why is it called "Alien vs Predator"? Isn`t predator an alien too? They should`ve just called it "Some Aliens"
The early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese.
It`s so cold outside I just saw a teenager with his pants pulled all the way up!
I would leave my house a LOT more if I could take the couch with me and wear my pajamas.
Christmas is just like a day at the office ... You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
You`ve got to love yourself ... Just not in public places
You can`t be ugly and play hard to get. It just doesn`t work that way...your already hard to want
It’s 2015, why cant you unselect a floor in an elevator yet?
Woke up to my teen cleaning the house for "no reason" and now I have a mystery to solve.
Ladies first. Because it might be dangerous.
When I die, before my will is read, I want my entire Google search history revealed and whoever is left in the room gets it all.
Have I been drinking? Clearly officer, you`re no detective
Sometimes I wonder if the kid in the Dreamworks logo has caught a fish yet.
Hey, car designers, you have kids, right? How is "limo window partition" between the front and back seat not an option yet?