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Premature ejaculation and hide and seek have one thing in common. 1 2 3 ready or not here I come.
Technically it was Moses that had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.
I was thinking earlier, thats all, just wanted everyone to know that it does happen from time to time........
I like people. I just don`t want them talking to me. Or breathing near me. Or making me look up from my phone.
Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupes and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
I’m not saying don’t trust the internet but there’s an alarming discrepancy between the number of ipads I’ve won & the number of ipads I own.
The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought to myself "This changes everything."
My girlfriend just accused me of being unfaithful. I told her that is ridiculous and that she is starting to sound like my wife.
I was gonna call you... but I`m still sober.
I was so angry when I found my wife’s profile on a dating website. That lying b!tch isn’t “fun to be around.”
I just realised that sex is like air..its not important unless you are not getting any.
The Internet: where no one is afraid to say the first thing that pops into their head.
I was born at a very early age.
Well, I’m bored again. Time to open the fridge
You`re one of a kind! Thank goodness...