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My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.
Let`s talk about how fabulous u think I am.
Today I broke my personal record for most consecutive days lived.
If video games have taught me anything, it`s that you`ll automatically get promoted if you kill your boss.
Heard Justin Bieber got arrested for drag racing. Sure it`s dangerous, but surely it isn`t against the law to run in high heels...
Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza.
You’d be more impressed with me if you never met anyone else.
I admit ive been known to wrap bacon in bacon just for the extra bacon flavor
My package finally came today. this is awesome....it means I have bubble wrap to play with
I`m so good, I scream my own name out during sex.
The only clubs I’m into are sandwiches.
Do I regret it? Yes. Would I do it again? Hell Yes.
Organized people are just to lazy to look for things.
Whenever I feel that someone is about to sneeze I yell “PIKA!” & they’re like “CHU!”. I don’t have any friends.
Just once I want my skills to be so urgently required that a helicopter is dispatched to pick me up.