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Every day at work I wonder if this is going to be the day I accidentally scream "SHUT THE F*CK UP` out loud instead of just in my head.
If its so great outside why do bugs try to get in my f*cking house?
Guys i did not copy or edit this status of mine.Please believe this is my own idea!
Drinking: because why not intensify the feelings you`re trying to escape?
Saw a hobo sleeping on a box and it was surrounded by bubble wrap. Must be his alarm system.
High fiving was the original "like".
Why is it that whenever you dial a wrong number, somebody always answers?
If money can’t buy happiness explain pizza.
People really need to get with the times. Smartphones are not for talking anymore.
Dear eyelashes, wishbones, dandelions, pennies, shooting stars, 11:11, and birthday candles ... Do your damn job.
I haven`t seen any new episodes of Gilligan`s Island in awhile... I hope they`re OK.
We`ve spent years planning and preparing for the zombie apocalypse all for nothing......clowns....its gonna be clowns that finish us off.
Some people are grateful for the impact you made in their life…. It’s not me, I think you’re a pr!ck.
You`re pretty cocky for someone with such a small ... vocabulary.
It kinda makes sense that the target audience for fidget spinners lost interest in them so quickly