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Why do baby clothes have pockets?
Life is beautiful ...... but Monday`s suck all the way around.
When I was little we didn`t have emojis. We had to put smiley face stickers on handwritten letters like a bunch of savages.
Someone outside the grocery store asked me if I had a few seconds to save the environment. I feel like it would take longer than that...
Why isn’t “cheating” a relationship status on Facebook?
I talked to my mom, and she said she probably hadn`t had sex with any of you guys. Damn dirty liars.
Don’t you hate when the whole bus is empty, but some guy sits right next to you? I know you do. That’s why I do it.
Dodgeball, but with random people who don`t know that they are playing..............
Humans claim to be the superior species, but a penguin can use its own body as a toboggan so who`s the real winner?
You`re an intellectual who doesn`t read books? I completely understand because I`m an athlete that rarely moves.
I want my tombstone to say "It didn`t make me stronger."
As it turns out, I’m not an afternoon person either.
If my house is clean, it means that Facebook is not working.
Take time to reflect upon your day. Think of all the blessings you received, and everything you may be called to testify about :)))
I like when job applications have a “Some College” option so they know I’m an aimless loser.