Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I’m starting to think that the gym isn’t really for me. I went this morning and laid down on the mat to do some sit-ups. I woke up 2 hours later.
I`d say I`m not a morning person but I`m really not sure I`m an evening person either.
It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do!
Nice try butter flavored pancake syrup, but I`m still putting butter on them!!
There`s really no telling how successful I could have been if the internet hadn`t been invented...
I`m a lover, not a fighter. So if anyone is giving you trouble and you need me to have sex with them, I`m your man.
I never thought you could really guess too low whenever a woman asks you her age. I guess 6 was pushing it.
Porn is the one industry where segregating races, genders, sexual preference, is completely acceptable
This is how my week goes: Mooooooooooooonday Tuuuuuuuuuuuuesday Weeeeeeeeeeednesday Thuuuuuuuuuuursday FridaySaturdaySunday.
If you are not sweating while doing it...then you are doing it wrong.
Sometimes, the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is an idiot.
Don’t start an argument with a girl because they have 45030194 GB memories and will bring up something you did at 2:27PM on April 23rd 2008.
Don`t EVER break a pinky promise. That sh!t is LEGIT.
My ex says that he will dance on my grave. I`ve now arranged to be buried at sea
Remembering to remember is always the first thing I forget.