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Hurricane preparedness tip: 1. Buy several kegs of beer 2. Drink beer 3. Wait for flooding 4. Drop kegs in water 5. Float to safety....
I look forward to paying off all my debt and finally getting back to just being broke.
If I could trade places with anyone for a day it would have to be on the day I die. I wouldn`t want to be me on that day.
If I throw a stick will you leave?
Let`s all play a game: For every political post, you must post 5 non political posts. #makefacebookhappyagain
Life is never more confusing than when three people get together to order one pizza.
I`m 42 years old and I still have no idea what I would do if a kangaroo entered my bedroom in the middle of the night.
There should be an energy drink named 6 AM child
Funerals are so depressing, when I die I want to be fed to a shark or something cool.
You seem like a sweat person. Mind if I lick you to find out?
The most effective way to torture young people is to make them watch old people use a computer.
My credit score is just a picture of me crying in the front yard of a nice house.
R.I.P. 2013 (2013-2013)
I only have one word for women who look at me like Iām some kind of sex object ... Hi.
Coworker: I have a degree in History. Me: That`ll really come in handy if life starts going backwards.