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I will write something profound ... subsoil!
I’m sick of closing out every job interview with “I was young. I needed the money.”
Sometimes I just go to work for the free internet.
wants my 260 FB friends to know I love you all..except #193
When a cashier asks if you have a rewards card, look down, sigh, and say, "My wife took everything when she left"
“Too much milk left need more cereal” always leads to “too much cereal need more milk”
Whenever I get a message that begins with “Hey Stranger” I know I’m about to be asked for a favor by someone I don’t want to help.
When life gives you melons, wear a low cut top.
This year rather than candy for your valentine why not liquor instead.
I`d like to have a child one day ... Two days, tops.
Space heaters are the perfect housewarming gifts.
Relationships would be easier if people came with a "Clear History" button.
If you would`ve told me back in 1999 that we`d still be using animated gifs in 2015, I would`ve said "Wow, what a boring conversation"
We got an extra day this year. Why did it have to be a Monday?
If your friends don’t make fun of you, they’re not your true friends.