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My favorite coffee in the morning is the one where no one talks to me while I drink it.
I have a feeling I already know which direction my "Get rich or die trying" lifestyle is headed.
“One man’s trash is another man’s treasure” would be a terrible way to let your child know that they’re adopted.
I just found out people are playing golf online. And I thought my life sucked!
Snoring is just God`s way of ensuring women hate their husbands while they sleep too.
You will attract attention if wearing a skirt on a windy day. This is doubly true if you are a man.
I remember my single days like it was 11 years, 1 month, and 12 days ago.
My kids are always accusing me of having a "favorite child" which is ridiculous because I don`t really like any of them.
I don`t work that hard, I just make everything look way more difficulat than it is...
Two wrongs may not make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane.
I copied and pasted your pic of what you ate...and got MORE "likes" than you did. :P
The girl at the Taco Bell drive thru gave me this “I know your high” look. I snatched my 37 crunchy tacos and got out of there.
Bacon is the only exception that does not fall under the 5 second rule for dropped food.
Pokémon means a totally different thing if you`re stuck in prison.
Let’s be the generation that stops putting things in our butts and having to go to the emergency room to get them taken out, shall we?