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I`m going to be very disappointed if I go to England and nobody skips to the loo.
If Scientists invent a pill to make us immortal, I guarantee I`d choke to death swallowing it.
So no pizza place on Ninja Turtles ever questioned the delivery address being “The Sewer”
pudding... thats always a funny word
I just became a professional Counterfeiter, I even have the certificates to prove it.
I`ve got this great new drinking game where you take a shot every time you want to get more drunk.
I don`t know why I think I could survive the Zombie Apocalypse, I cant even handle the puff of air at the eye doctor.
The more I drink the better my Idea`s seem to get.
Nobody cleans a house faster than a man expecting to get laid.
Don`t ask me for childcare advice unless you want nuggets of wisdom like "always punch holes in the box so they can breathe."
I`ve accidentally swallowed a load of scrabble pieces.........My next poop could spell trouble.
I will be thoroughly disappointed if the first human born on Mars isn’t named Marvin.
I thought kegels were like Jewish bagels
I am sorry I wasn`t being completely honest when I said I was normal.
You know you`re getting old when Happy Hour is a nap.