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Bring donuts so your coworkers will like you. Cut them in half so they will hate you again.
There really isn`t much difference between being a kid and being an adult. I was just as emotionally crippled upon learning the truth about Penthouse Letters as I was about Santa Claus.
Me- We need eggs. Hub- How many? Me- One. See if they will sell you just one.
I have this talent of getting tired without doing nothing.
In paintball, you should be allowed to use a paintbrush as a knife.
Learn to spell. Auto Correct isn’t always write.
Why is it always "I see you drank all the beer today!" instead of, "Oh, honey, that was so sweet of you to help clean out the refrigerator."
I’m in no shape to exercise.
My bucket list: 4 drumsticks, 2 thighs, 2 mashed potatoes with gravy, and 2 biscuits. Extra crispy.
I get very annoyed when people mix up there, they`re and their. From now on I`m going to point it out, weather they like it or not.
If you put Root Beer in a square glass do you get Beer?
Born free. Now, I’m expensive.
I had this awesome dream last night where Facebook went down and most of you went on a killing spree.
I`m tired of hearing about Republicans this and Democrats that. For Christ`s sake people, don`t you realize on July 15th the Twinkie comes back?!?!?!?!
I saw my ex getting beaten up by half a dozen thugs. For a second, I thought, "Should I help?" Then I thought, "No...6 should be enough."