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If your roommate never walked in on you naked, you`re not naked near enough.
They’re called scents, not flavors, I should not able to taste your perfume or cologne.
I believe pizza delivery cars should be allowed to use sirens
I hate girls who insert the phrase "my boyfriend" into every conversation. So does my boyfriend.
Once I made a belt out of watches. It was a waist of time.
You know you`re getting old when one huge fart throws out your back.
Well I didn`t know that minding my own business becomes part of your business to mind
Bumper stickers are helpful for recognizing members of society you do not want to associate with.
I`m not crazy, but I am a carrier.
Only awesome people are allowed to ‘LIKE’ this status!
I would be a great procrastinator ... if I could ever get around to it.
Just watched (insert title of horror movie) and it wasn`t scary at all. The crap in my pants is a pure coincidence.
I`m switching to Metric. I would weigh a lot less on the Metric scale.
Line forms here for spankings
Bicyclists, it`s one thing to hog the road, but it`s quite another to expect us to know your fancy hand signals. Also, I can see your balls.