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What does Miley Cyrus have for dinner on Christmas? Twerky :`)
Remember kids, the Toys R Us bankruptcy and liquidation teaches us that poor spelling and grammar will always catch up with you eventually.
My 14 year old sent a text asking me to pick her up from school and added "not in your pajamas". So I`m wearing hers because good moms listen.
I`m going to test my theory that tequila kills the flu... Or brain cells... Whatever, doesn`t matter... something`s gonna die tonight.
when i have children im going to make them watch 2012 and tell them i survived all of that.
It`s great how you have legs that can take you away from a conversation when you don`t feel like listening to people anymore
With Halo 4, Black Ops II and Assasins Creed III, I think November might register the lowest teen pregnancy rates in a long time!
Guacamole is my favorite food that looks like someone already ate it.
Every Instagram caption should just be, "ARE YOU JEALOUS OF MY LIFE YET??"
I know some of you would find it hard to believe, but I don`t say everything that pops into my head. I don`t think the average person could handle it.
A real ice cream truck would have melted by now.
If women would start naming their periods like hurricanes it would be alot easier for us men to remember which argument you are referring to.
“I’m not washing it, I’m just gonna shove it in a pony.” If you’re a girl, that sentence is actually ok.
Half of my life has been spent hoping people don’t see me.
I finally overcame my fear of skinny dipping. Unfortunately it cost me my YMCA membership.