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When your mother asks you if you`re sexually active, the correct response is: "No, I just lie there."
I read "Do not believe everything you read." Now I`m not sure whether to believe this or not.
Remember when double entry was an accounting term?
Be honest, you haven’t even walked a mile in your own shoes.
What can I do today that is only going to happen once in a blue moon?
FACT: Every zoo is a petting zoo, if you’re brave enough.
I have no problem admitting that you made a mistake.
I can make your gf scream louder than you can. - Spider
Ahhh..Sunday..the biggest decision of the day...to bathe or not to bathe.
Not clicking like on this status makes your a$$ look fat.
If I ever get off this couch, I’ll be unstoppable.
So I turned my phone onto " airplane mode" and threw it up into the air. Worst transformer ever!
I wonder if the girls on "16 and pregnant," will come back on "32 and a Grandma."
There is a 3-for-2 sale in my local shoe shop. I almost bought myself a new pair of shoes, but couldn`t decide whether to get an extra left or a right one as part of the offer....
Million Dollar Idea: A restaurant that offers Coke and Pepsi....