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"Kids are great when you need help around the house." - People who don`t have kids
Damn your Hott!...........................Freaking Sun! lmao =P
is battling with eyelids
Start each day with a positive thought like, "I can go back to bed in about 17 short hours."
It’s been close to a million years since I exaggerated about anything.
L`oréal`s mascara makes your lashes 60% longer? Wow! They should make condoms.
Today I noticed that the cover of my ironing board was wrinkled, and I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because of the word "irony."
If you`re wondering why you`re single, date someone. You`ll remember
Why do people say "Tuna Fish sandwich?" That`s like saying "Chicken Bird sandwich."
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Pulling out a winter coat and going through the pockets to find out who I was 8 months ago.
Anyone going to stare at their phones anywhere cool this weekend?
Peace on earth would be nice, but not gaining 20 pounds over the holidays would be a Christmas miracle.
I made the mistake of asking Siri what women want....she has been talking non-stop for the last 3 days.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!