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*wants to travel the world but has like 3 dollars*
7 billion people on the planet and I can only tolerate maybe 10.
Ladies, if a man says he will fix it, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it.
Laughter is the best medicine but if you are laughing without any reason, I think you need medicine
Do you think retailers in Colorado have seen an increase in the sales of Easy Bake ovens and Brownie mix?
2 cops walk into a bar... I don`t know what happened after that. I got the f*ck out of there.
I bet you 20 dollas I`m broke
I cannot be held responsible for what my face does when other people talk.
I bet it’s called Almond Milk, because no one would buy Nut Juice.
Dear Cashier: Stop giving me attitude and acting like your job is so complicated and stressful. Self-Checkout has proven that you are really unnecessary.
cofeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffee... Wheeeeeeeeee!
Don’t believe everything you think.
Behind every good selfie is approximately 47 nearly identical pictures that didn’t make the cut.
The only solution to a problem is to find the source and Kill it.
Turns out a crash diet doesn`t mean having vodka with every meal and falling down the stairs at noon!