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Don`t talk to me about disappointment. I had lots of adults tell me they were gonna "fix my little red wagon" yet here it sits with a broken wheel still
Alright, I admit it. Sometimes when I wave my hands in the air, I actually do care.
I know you people are crazy. I can spot my own kind a mile away.
Million dollar idea: Alarm clock that releases spiders... NOW you`re up.
Ever since I installed Adblocker, I have been severely depressed. Hot singles in my area are no longer interested in me.
Decisions decisions ... Guess I`ll drink on it.
If you can’t laugh at yourself, call me… I’ll do it.
Party like you will never be invited to another!
No Girlfriend November was a success, now for Don`t Date December, Just Me January, Forever Alone February, No Match March..... I got this.
The worst thing about renting movie from a Red Box is that a $1 late fee isn’t enough motivation to get off the couch.
Sociologists say that social media is creating the laziest generation ever. I expressed my opinion in great detail by hitting the “Like” button.
If adult diapers are called Depends, then baby diapers should be called Definitely!!
I have finally conquered my annoying habit of repeatedly pressing the snooze button every morning by programming my alarm clock to play lullabies!
Welcome to fight club..., you may now kiss the bride.
I wouldn`t do much for a Klondike Bar; I would however get naked for beer.