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Kids....because who doesn`t enjoy a fun game of "What the hell is that smell and whose room is it coming from?"
Seems like everyone is either trying to pretend they have the life they want, or escape the life they have.
The part of "no" that I don´t understand is the part where I don´t get what I want
State of mind is in no mind to state its state of mind.
Black Friday, because after a day of thankfully stuffing your face, you deserve a deal on purchases you don’t need.
Ever had one of those days that you feel like you should have skipped the morning coffee and went straight for the booze?
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn`t concentrate.
Dating should be like buying a car. You should get to talk to the previous owners... SHOW ME THE MANFAX!!
If your dog loves hanging his head out the window of the car as you are driving, but growls when you blow in his face, you may need a breath mint.
Unless you fell on the treadmill, nobody wants to hear about your workout.
Relatives comin` ~ hide all awesome stuff!
My favorite part of a marathon is watching the reaction of runners who grab my plastic cup of vodka.
It bothers me when I see tax money wasted on signs telling deer where to cross the road.
What do women want? The opposite of whatever they have.
All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.