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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

Just remember the only thing standing between you and your dreams is your talent
People who think I’m not a religious person should see me when the airplane starts to shake.
You know it`s a good night when you wake up with gum in your bellybutton.
"If you can`t handle me at my worst, then you don`t deserve me at my best" literally translates to "I`m a loud, sloppy drunk."
I knew I`d be a great parent. Kids aren`t nearly as difficult to take care of as my drunk friends.
Break the ice in a crowded elevator by asking how much everyone weighs.
Why is it that whenever I have to turn around in a strange driveway, I feel like they`re gonna come running out with pitchforks and torches?
My life is a constant cycle of waiting until the weekend and then not doing anything when it comes.
I hate it when the little voices argue with my imaginary friends.
I thought eyelashes were meant to keep stuff out of your eye but half the time there is anything in my eye its an eyelash!
That last phone call with my wife was so boring, I feel like I owe the NSA an apology.
Making good decisions doesn’t really go with my outfit.
There is a special place in Hell for people who stop at yellow lights.
This getting older thing really sucks. These days my eyes are so bad I have to buy the Large Print edition of Alphabet Soup.
has a Massive drinking problem ... there is no alcohol in the house!