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I’m not paranoid, but everyone thinks I am.
Welcome to my Facebook wall. Straight jackets are on your left, meds are on the table, and if you hurry, you can still get a seat in group therapy . . . have fun!
Don’t tell me what to do unless you’re naked.
I think its nice my vacuum cleaner has head lights. Just in case I wanna wake up in the middle of the night and clean in the dark, or wake up my dog making him think he’s getting hit by a
No, I would not like to know what fruit my body is shaped like.
Just took a "Try Me" sticker off one of the plush toys at Wal-Mart and stuck it on a condom box.
When one door closes and another one opens, it`s time to pack up and leave because your house is clearly haunted.
One things for sure, I can always count on my fingers.
My kitchen is actually nothing more than a fruit hospice
Just because I don’t like you doesn’t mean I don’t want you to like me.- Most Girls
Happy 4/21! National work drug testing day!
Just saw a homeless dude with a sign reading "Hungry Hungry Hobo"... I shouldn`t laugh right?
The only honest people in the world are small children and me after a couple cocktails.
The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he’s too old for it.
I like to Party! ... and by Party I mean take Naps