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In my defense, your honor, he had the keyboard clicking sound on his phone turned on.
There`s a time and place for wine, In my hand and now.
Do not read the next sentence. You little rebel, that`s why I like you.
Your secret is safe with me as long as it`s boring.
Rubix cubes are EASY....when you`re color blind.
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, that`s just science
If you can´t afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don´t know where you are.
I bet Hell is sitting in front of every person you know while a slideshow of all of your deleted selfies is played on a loop.
I could write an entire book on excuses... but I have to drop my dog off at the airport.
I was planning on doing something today, but I haven`t finished doing nothing from yesterday.
During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, "where should I put my pants"? "Over there by mine", was not the answer I was expecting.
Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I`d like to read a medication bottle that says, "May cause extreme sexiness".
Sorry I can`t make it to your party tonight- I have to get up REALLY early tomorrow afternoon.
Gone insane. Be back Tuesday.
The wifes exhausted as she`s had some hot steamy action lately, But at least the ironing basket is empty