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"You only live once. LOL JK!" ~ the cat
Black Friday is the second closest thing to a zombie apocalypse except they want sales instead of brains.
The human body is roughly 60% water. I`m not fat, I`m flooded.
Why do they waste so much money on all the checkout lanes at Walmart, when they only have two of them open at any given time.
Good news: I can still do a full split! Bad news: It wasn`t on purpose!
Who do you have to sleep with around here to sleep with someone around here?!
There`s a fine line between crazy and free spirited and it`s usually a prescription.
Does all this status updating make my ego look fat?
People be like… I will love you unconditionally on one condition.
If I`m in a public bathroom and someone else in that same bathroom is on the phone and states that they are ANYWHERE ELSE, I flush my toilet
I`m so lonely that my cat owns a cat.
I just slammed hard on the brakes and found 3 lighters, $4.67 in change, condom box, empty flask, half an 1/8th, and a puppy.
Going to Target. See you in about two hundred bucks...
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
I’m bored, think I’ll go to the mall, find a great parking spot, sit in my car with my reverse lights on for awhile.