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This cat poop tastes like I`m about to get yelled at -Dogs
Cop: This is a ticket for drunk and disorderly behavior. Me: Can I have another? I`d like to bring a guest.
Like this if you can’t think of a clever status either.
I’m sick of closing out every job interview with “I was young. I needed the money.”
Do Starbucks employees take coffee breaks?
If cartoons are a reliable guide, the secret to never aging is wearing the same clothes every day.
Just saw a guy with a Support Dyslexia bumper sticker on the front of his car.
What about a To-Don`t List?
People with jobs: It`s Friday!!! People without jobs: It`s Friday?
Sometimes I wake up grumpy but sometimes I let her sleep instead..
To make it stand, you wet it. To make it wet, you suck it. To make it stiff, you lick it. To get it in, you push it. Threading a needle isn`t easy.
Hey baby, wanna come to myspace and twitter my yahoo `till i google all over your facebook?
If he`s dumb enough to send you a generic message in a mass text...be smart enough to reply to all "I still haven`t gotten my period."
I thought "twerking" was short for "networking". I really embarrassed myself while giving that presentation to the company`s Board of Directors.
Today`s the day I like to sneak onto the intercom at Walmart and say "would Jason Voorhees please report to aisle 13."