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You can learn a lot about a girl by ignoring her text messages.
If anyone asks, I`m drinking all this wine to collect corks for a pinterest project.
Always look for the girl with the ponytail holder on her wrist.
Saw some idiot put a water bottle where the Pringles go on the treadmill.
I was addicted to the Hokey Pokey but I turned myself around.
Just because I`m awake doesn`t mean I`m ready to do things
If only my ceiling fan could hold my weight, then I would never be bored again.
BEFORE I GET DRUNK, NAKED,THROWN IN JAIL AND LOOSE MY DAMN PHONE. *HAPPY NEW YEAR.
Takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do ...
If it’s the thought that counts, then I should probably be in jail
Tupperware is so handy for those times when you feel like throwing out your food another day.
I don`t think stupid people understand how much effort goes into not punching them in the face
Asian gangs, also known as study groups...
The human body is amazing... You breathe in oxygen and it converts it into sarcasm.
No matter how fast you run, the serial killer always walks faster.