Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese.
What a snow day inside with the kids! My one son thought it would be a good idea to fill up the garage freezer with snow to save for later and my other son had an "accident" and peed all over the floor in the bathroom. Youd think they know better at 13 and 15 years old! I probably should stop letting them drink beer in the house.
MY 8 YEAR OLD: "Walrus testicles are called walnuts."
Getting back with your ex is pretty much the same as taking a shower, getting out, and putting back on the same old dirty underwear.
I know karate, jujitsu, judo, taekwondo and 28 other dangerous words. Still wanna` mess with me?
??q? uo p??oq??? ? ?nq i ??i? ?s?? ??? si si??
Anyone else has a plastic bag at home full of plastic bags?
If I were Noah, Iād be grabbing two of every bottle of alcohol
Is everything expensive or am I simply poor?
I`m switching to Metric. I would weigh a lot less on the Metric scale.
A father is someone who carries pictures where his money used to be.
All this time I thought Bi-Polar was big white bear with no sexual preference.
That`s it!! I`m never drinking again until tomorrow.
I speak my mind because it hurts to bite my tongue.
Monday?! But, I wasnt even finished with Saturday yet.